The 2004 AWO Awards Show

[Prez Shay]

The Emmys. The Oscars. Both nights of extreme prestige and honour. And then there’s the MTV awards…

But somewhere in between the two extremes, lies a new contender for Award Night supremacy. One which, to be honest, won’t even have one eighth of the viewers of the others, but as a wrestling awards show, will surely possess more dignity and class than the MTV Awards at least. And now, live on AWOTV, after the fans seem to have waited forever for it to appear, it does. And when it does, the fans at home are stunned to see the 2004 AWO Awards starting the same way as any other awards show. Joan Rivers stands, her wrinkly hand holding a microphone, on the red carpet. Her face, forever concreted into a smile, looks delighted to be there. Small children in the crowd, coming to see their favourite superstars, run screaming at the sight of this monstrous visage. The first limousine drives up and stops at the foot of the red carpet which leads into an unknown building, and the fans go wild as Cheap Shot steps out of it.

Joan Rivers: "Welcome to the first annual AWO Awards! Oh and here we have Cheap Shot arriving! And doesn't he look just darling in his white suit, that appears to be leather. As you can see he isn't wearing a tie and has left his shirt open to the navel, but he sure does have the body to be able to pull this off. Let's find out who made the suit."

Cheap Shot approaches, his arms around the identical twins on either side, as flashbulbs go off from every direction. He tries to avoid Joan Rivers at first, but can't help gazing at her deformed-by-science face, and then is sucked in towards her.

Joan Rivers: "Cheap Shot darling, you look simply gooorgeous. And who are your dates?"

Cheap Shot glances at each one, and shrugs.

Blonde Bombshell: "Oh, my name is Trixie. And this is my sister Trixie."

Joan Rivers: "Oh, if that isn't just gorgeous! Now Cheap Shot, I must ask, who is the designer of that fabulous suit?"

Cheap Shot: "Yeah, I don't know. I have to head inside and..."

Cheap Shot turns to leave but Joan grabs his arm.

Joan Rivers: "No darling, you can't leave yet! We have to talk fashion! And there's no one else here yet. When Aryan gets here you can leave."

At that, Cheap Shot's eye twitches, and he suddenly grabs Joan Rivers by the neck. She screams, and drops the microphone. The gathering crowd cheers, thinking Cheap Shot is attacking a goblin of some kind, as he rams her head into the metal fencing between the fans and them. He then throws her over the fence, and follows her, rolling her onto a handy table. He climbs up onto the table also, and lifts her into the air, before slamming her down with a DDT onto the top of the table! The table doesn't break, being that it's unexpectedly harder than those in the AWO arena, but Joan Rivers certainly seems out for the count. He then jumps back over the fence and picks up the fallen microphone.

Cheap Shot: "Fashion? Joan Rivers? What the hell do you people think this is? This is the AWO, now get the hell out of my face! Dixie, come with me... and you too."

And with that, Cheap Shot storms into the building, with the two Trixies running behind. The camera pans across to Joan Rivers where a pool of blood has covered the table and is now flowing off the sides like a water feature. Someone yells "Oh dear God, don't tell me she'll need more plastic surgery..." before the screen suddenly fades black.

[glow=red,2,300] The Real Awards Show[/glow]

When the scene returns, we are no longer outside a building surrounded with paparazzi and fans. Now, the camera shows a medium sized area with round tables covered in entrees, and fancy dining utensils. Around these tables is just about every wrestler on the AWO Roster, most with dates. Draven sits with his dad, presumably ready to collect any awards Bond might win. At the head of the room however, a stage is lit up, with the usual award show type podium in the centre. The camera pans around the room showing various wrestlers for a few minutes. Cheap Shot is yawning, appearing to be bored already. Aryan sits three tables away, glaring at the back of Cheap Shot's head. The Floppy Disk is wearing a tribal mask and doing some sort of rain dance on the dining table, holding a dead weasel in each hand. All is normal. Finally, after the camera has gone around to seemingly every wrestler, it focuses back to the stage, where Prez Shay is walking out from behind a curtain. He drops his notes and scrambles around on the ground to pick them up again. There's a few awkward coughs from the crowd, as he gathers himself, fixes his tie, and walks to the podium.

Prez Shay: "Thank you. You're too kind. Hold the applause though, I haven't actually won anything, I'm just up here as the host."

With the crowd never having made any effort to applaud the President at all, more awkward coughing goes around, unsure if Shay is trying to make a joke or not. He seems happy with himself none the less.

Prez Shay: "Well, I guess I won't delay this any further. We've got plenty of awards tonight, and whilst the winners don't win any money, title shots or... even a trophy..."

Some wrestlers boo, not liking that they'll be getting nothing for a win.

Prez Shay: "...well ok, there are small trophies for each of the awards. Except of course Best Overall Wrestler. That's a huge mother."

Cheap Shot, Aryan, Maverick, and Nick Polowy all cheer, but then fall deathly silent, glaring at one another, as if they each think the others have no right thinking they could win.

Prez Shay: "But more important is a trophy you could stick on a desk or shelf at home, or use as a coat rack in the case of the Best Overall Wrestler Award, is the bragging rights this will give the wrestlers. What a great way to put down opponents at Cremation, in promos, by mentioning what you've won and they haven't. I can think of nothing better guys. And with that in mind, that's what you should really be excited about. That and about going down in AWO History. Because these results will all be kept in the AWO Award Records. And also, if you win an Award tonight, it's a great honour not just for your 2004 performance. Because there's been no AWO or NMW Awards before tonight, people and events from the NMW have been nominated. So if you win tonight, you've beaten everyone else not just last year, but for the last three or four years.

That brings smiles to a lot of faces, as wrestlers realise the true depth of what a win tonight could mean.

Prez Shay: "So I wish good luck to you all, and without keeping you further, I am going to announce the first award... the Most Improved Award. Now I know a lot of people see this as the worst possible award. After all, that's the award the worst kid on the hockey team gets, after all the other, REAL, awards are taken up. But this is the AWO. And if you get this award, it's because you deserved it. It's because you've been recognised by both management, and your peers as having improved dramatically in the past year. And that's certainly not a bad thing.

And now... the Nominees for Most Improved, in Alphabetical Order:

Aryan...

Chris Bond...

The Floppy Disk...

and Nick Polowy.

Prez Shay fumbles with an envelope, one of many he carried out with him, and opens it, smiling, until he reads the result, and instead reads the result professionally.

Prez Shay: "And the winner, of the Most Improved Wrestler in the AWO in 2004... is Aryan!

Aryan smirks as he walks he stands. He looks over at Cheap Shot, still smirking, and then looks away, before walking up and collecting his trophy from a hot blonde who stands next to a table littered with them. She selects the correct one, and hands it to him. He walks over to the podium. Shay begins to protest, but Aryan ignores him.

Prez Shay: "It really isn't necessary to make a spee..."

Aryan: "You know what? I'm glad I never lost faith in this company, unlike most of you. Because look at me now, the first winner of an award with, I'm certain, many more to come... and at Cremation, I'm going to be come the next, and the greatest ever, World Champion. And I have no one at all to thank. No one except myself."

He walks back to his table, with everyone shaking their heads at him. Prez Shay adjusts his tie again and begins to speak.

[Prez Shay]

Prez Shay: "Yes, well... congratulations Aryan. And win or lose, I hope you put on a hell of a show for us at Berlin. Those ratings don't make themselves. And now, just as everything has an opposite, so does that award.

And the nominees for Least Improved Wrestler in 2004 are...

Blinky Bob...

Chris Bond...

The Floppy Disk...

and once again, Nick Polowy...

He once again opens the envelope, but this time a shocked look comes across his face.

Prez Shay: "Well, this award can really be taken any way you look at it. One could say that once you get good enough, there's no more room for improvement. Because this award certainly didn't go to the worst wrestler here... because it didn't go to Blinky Bob!"

Blinky, huddled in the corner of the room, grunts in his sleep, inside his potato sack.

Prez Shay: "Anyway... the winner of the Least Improved AWO Wrestler in 2004... is none other than...The Hardcore Kid!

Somewhat shocked faces fall across the crowd. Hardcore Kid walks up and collects his small trophy.

Hardcore Kid: "Well, I guess it's better than nothing right? Especially since I've only had a few matches in the AWO this year. So in retrospect... I really couldn't have improved much. But I do assure you of one thing... at the Pay Per View after Cremation, when Mike Polowy and I finally clash, you're really going to see who the Least Improved is. In fact, I'll stamp this trophy into his forehead after I win!"

Hardcore Kid storms back to his seat.

Prez Shay: "Come on people, this doesn't count as AWO airtime. No need for promos. Anyway, I guess since you're wasting so much time, I better get on with it. The next award is nothing to be proud of either actually. If you win this, it's hard to justify it.

And the nominees for Most Useless Re-debut in 2004 are...

'Angel of Attitude' Michael Evans...

Commissioner Josh Williams...

Decade...

Fat Guy with Stick...

and... yet again, Nick Polowy.

Shay tears open another of the many envelopes.

Prez Shay: "Well in my view, there shouldn't have been any doubt heading into this one... the winner of the most useless re-debut in 2004 goes to... Michael Evans!"

No one bothers to clap this one. And for good reason. A quick look around the room and it's clear that AOA is nowhere to be found. Prez Shay shrugs and his trophy is put aside for later. He then turns back to the crowd.

Prez Shay: "Well, we've got nothing but respectable awards ahead of us now. Most Entertaining, Biggest Asset, Best Overall Wrestler. The one's you've all been waiting for. And we start... with Coolest Name."

Over half of the wrestlers stretch their legs, ready to stand up and collect the win.

Prez Shay: And the nominees for best name are…

Aryan…

Cheap Shot…

Chris Bond…

Happy Explosion Boy…

And finally, Maze.

Everyone of the nominees begins to stand, apart from Happy Explosion Boy who isn't with us, naturally, as Prez Shay tears open the envelope.

Prez Shay: "And the winner of the Coolest Named Wrestler in 2004... Happy Explosion Boy!

The other nominees looked stunned that Happy Explosion Boy could be capable of winning... well, ANY award.

Prez Shay:: "Obviously Happy Explosion Boy couldn't be here tonight... so we'll just keep his trophy safe until he comes back from the dead... which is inevitable. Anyway, next up...

And the nominees for AWO's Biggest Asset Award are...

Aryan...

Cheap Shot...

Nick Polowy...

Mike Polowy...

Prez Shay...

And er... someone seems to have written 'The Internet'.

The wrestlers look around at each other, confused, and completely oblivious to the fact that they're trapped in a virtual world... but anyway.

Prez Shay: "And the winner... of this prestigious award... is Cheap Shot!

The crowd claps politely, and without effort, as Cheap Shot stands triumphantly, and collects his award.

Cheap Shot: "Wow, it sure is great to be noticed for all my hard work. I'm not going to make much of a speech, because I'm confident the rest of the awards are going to me as well anyway... but I will say this: Aryan, shut up."

He leaves the stage, trophy in hand, as Aryan scowls at him. Prez Shay sighs, taking back the podium.

Prez Shay: "I guess everyone is going to be making speeches then. Fantastic... Anyway, the next award isn't really one of the most important, but I know a lot of you people are gunning for it none the less.

And the nominees for the wrestler who cuts the Funniest Promos are:

Cheap Shot...

The Floppy Disk...

And Slappy the Clown...

And without further adue... the winner is...The Floppy Disk!"

The camera pans around, but suddenly the crowd realises that the Floppy Disk is nowhere to be seen.

Prez Shay: "Well... er... I guess... argh!"

Suddenly there is a huge crash, and above Prez Shay, The Floppy Disk swoops down wearing futuristic armour plating, and a jetpack. Everyone looks on stunned as he collects his award.

The Floppy Disk: "Funny? There is nothing funny about the MIGHTY POWER OF... Arrggh!"

The workings of the jetpack suddenly seem to go awry, as Floppy Disk is sent up and through the roof again, into the night, his trophy in hand. Prez Shay just claps, in amazement, and moves on.

Prez Shay:: "Next up, a related category, although quite different... as it takes more than just humour to get this.

And the nominees for the most entertaining wrestler are...

Aryan...

Cheap Shot...

The Floppy Disk...

Happy Explosion Boy...

Mike Polowy...

And Scruffy Dog.

Prez Shay wastes no time yet again.

Prez Shay: "And the winner is... yet again... The Floppy Disk!"

The entire crowd looks up at the roof, expecting The Floppy Disk to come crashing through again. However, The Floppy Disk stands up from his chair at his table, wearing normal clothes now, and walks towards the stage.

Prez Shay: "What the? But... how did you...
?"

The Floppy Disk takes over the podium, clutching his second trophy in his hand.

The Floppy Disk:: "Thank you. I'm glad people have recognised me. And I thank them for finding me so entertaining. In a world were war and poverty are so far-reaching and depressing, we need things like Sports Entertainment to help us forget about all the bad things in the world. We need a place where, like the AWO, people can expect good to at least mostly triumph over evil. A place where there is no famine and disease, only men in short pants grappling each other. That's what we're all about."

The crowd begins to clap. A few more sensitive members wipe lone tears from their eyes.

The Floppy Disk: "I do a dance now! WOO WOOO WOOOO!!!"

The Floppy Disk drops to the ground and begins spinning in circles, repeating the irritating 'Woo" chant. He is eventually nudged off stage.

Prez Shay: "Erm... nicely put. Anyway... the time has come for the Award which pits most of you bastards against each other. The Award where one bad guy gets to claim that he's the best there is at being an asshole.

And the nominees for Best Heel are:

Aryan...

Cheap Shot...

The Martyr...

Mike Polowy...

And Stalin.

Cheap Shot coughs aloud, while Prez Shay opens the envelope, grinning confidently.

Prez Shay: "And the winner... with I suppose no real surprise... is Cheap Shot!"

Cheap Shot stands and begins walking towards the stage when suddenly Stalin rushes past him, nudging him out of the way. He pushes Shay to the side and speaks.

Stalin: "What is this?! Just because I am not American I am nominated as this... this... heel?! This is an outrage! You have all disgraced my honour, and the honour of all my fathers before me! The Russian blood that flows through my veins is the finest of all Russian blood. And twenty percent vodka! And not only do you have the insolence to suggest that Stalin himself is a 'bad guy', but then you don't even give me credit as the BEST bad guy? Oh no... I shall not stand for this at all. I will bring death and chaos down upon all your houses!"

[Prez Shay]

Stalin slams his clenched fist down onto the podium and then marches off. Cheap Shot attempts to follow up with his own speech but is turned away by the President, saying that there's no time. Cheap Shot scowls at Stalin and takes his award back to his seat.

Prez Shay: "Um... for future reference... can we have only the winners come up here? That'd be great."

Stalin turns, having not reached his seat, and yells.

Stalin: "Stalin will approach when Stalin WANTS to approach. You do not want to incur my wrath, tiny man!"

All of a sudden, a tank comes bursting through the wall at the side of the building! People scramble out of the way of the falling debris, as the tank comes to a stand still. People are still screaming and clawing to get away, when the hatch swings open at the top and Ice Rock pulls himself up out of the tank. He searches the area, and finally spies Stalin. He doesn't speak, and just runs straight for him. Stalin shrieks, and then turns to try and run away, but Ice Rock is already on him. He grabs Ice Rock by the back of his head and slams his face into the nearest table. He then drags it back up again, and slams it down again. He releases Stalin, who tries to run yet again, but the kicks his legs out from underneath him. Stalin falls to the ground, and Ice Rock drops a knee onto his back, and drives it in while Stalin screams.

Ice Rock: "Think you can take my country bitch?"

Ice Rock finally climbs off Stalin, and then helps Stalin to his feet. Suddenly though, Stalin drives his elbow into Ice Rock's stomach. Ice Rock doubles over, surprised, and Stalin, having the upper hand... turns and sprints out of the building. Ice Rock quickly recovers and chases after him. Both men disappear out the door, and into the night. After about five minutes, everything has returned to normal, and people have returned to their seats... apart from those who lost their tables under debris.

Prez Shay: "Here's hoping they find there way back to... well... wait, where is that fight? In Texas or Berlin?"

One of the camera crew shrugs in reply.

Prez Shay: "Hmm... send a couple of guys out with a camera and tell them ready to go live on Monday, wherever Ice Rock and Stalin are."

The camera man nods, and orders a few guys away. They go running out of the building, and towards their van. Prez Shay turns back to the podium.

Prez Shay: "Oh dear... where was I? Oh yes. Well, for every good heel in a federation, there has to be just as many good faces. And the following award recognises those fans favourites.

And the nominees for Best Face or Fan Favourite are:

The Floppy Disk...

Nick Polowy...

Mike Polowy...

Multitude...

Scruffy Dog...

And lastly, Slappy the Clown.

The crowd looks on eagerly as he tears the envelope.

Prez Shay: "And the winner is... well actually... we have a tie. The winners are Mike Polowy and Slappy the Clown!

The crowd claps hesitantly, full of disappointment for a few.

Prez Shay: "And oddly, neither wrestler is here tonight. Mike Polowy is off training, and... well I have no idea what happened to Slappy the Clown. He disappeared shortly after Slapster got well... Cremated. So er... we'll just keep this trophy here for him to collect... but Nick Polowy, could you come out here and collect Mike's?"

Nick Polow reluctantly collects Mike's award.

Nick: "Sure... I'll give it to him. Phhfft."

He leaves the stage again, tossing the trophy up into the air and catching it over and over again.

Prez Shay: "Okay, we've only got two more awards left... and then I have a special announcement to make. But before we get to that... this next one is going to have to mailed to whoever gets it, and for good reason. Because none of these wrestlers are here tonight.

And the nominees for the Remembrance Award, or Most Missed Wrestler... are:

BeZ...

The Floppy Disk...? Wait. He's back! Cancel that one.

Kobra...

Omega...

Scruffy Dog...

And Slappy the Clown.

Now of course each of these wrestlers, apart from Kobra who was never actually in the AWO... but we did say that for this event the NMW was included... are all greatly missed. So everyone is a winner here... but there can only be one winner... and that winner is..."

He tears open the envelope.

Prez Shay: "Well, I've been proven wrong in a big way. It's a tie yet again. And the winners are Slappy the Clown and Scruffy Dog!

Before they can move on however, Cheap Shot has jumped up and pushed Prez Shay aside.

Cheap Shot: "No need to send Scruffy's away. As Scruffy Dog's long time Tag Team partner, I'm happy to accept the award for him. And I know there's a few people he'd like to thank. There’s... Spark, of course. Where would I, Scruffy Dog, be without that whore? But mainly, where would I be without Cheap Shot? Well, I'm nowhere right now... but I wouldn't have got as far as I did without the help, the courage, and the brilliance that is Cheap Shot. If it wasn't for that man, I'd be a nothing. A no one. The only reason anyone knows who I am is because I leeched off his fame and glory. So by all means... give the award to him. He deserves it more than me."

Suddenly Cheap Shot looks shocked and delighted, as he looks at the award and holds it close... walking off with it.

Prez Shay: "Er... Cheap Shot. I don't think we should give that to you."

Cheap Shot doesn't look back. Only sticks his middle finger up at Prez Shay without looking. Prez Shay sighs.

Prez Shay: "Well, the final award for the night... which I pray anyone but Cheap Shot gets, now... is the biggest one of all. That's the big f'ing trophy you can see in the corner there. And so I wish you all the best of luck.

And the nominees for the best overall wrestler in 2004 are:

Cheap Shot...

The Floppy Disk...

Nick Polowy...

Maverick...

Mike Polowy...

And Scruffy Dog.

And the winner... drum roll please."

Due to the fact that there is no live band, no drum roll follows, but he finishes anyway.

And the winner is... Cheap Shot.

Cheap Shot walks casually up to the stage, collects his trophy, barely being able to carry it, and walks up to the microphone.

Cheap Shot: "Well... what can I say? You all knew I was getting this."

He then turns and walks away, simple as that.

Prez Shay: "Well... congratulations Cheap Shot. But before you all go I have one more thing I'd like to announce. And that is... from this day forth, the AWO Hall of Fame... has been wiped clean. Every single member who was previously put into it... has been erased."

A shocked hush falls upon the crowd.

Prez Shay: "And Im ending the night, by reinstating some of them back into the Hall of Fame. Because now... the only people to remain in the AWO Hall of Fame after I've cleaned it out are...

Cheap Shot.

Scruffy Dog.

And BeZ, God Bless his soul.

The crowd claps for the new three members of the Hall of Fame.

Prez Shay: "But that's not all. Because I'm adding two new people into the Hall of Fame, who have never been in it before. There will be segments on AWOTV and also you can visit the website to have detailed descriptions about the careers and histories of all the man in the new Hall of Fame. That won't be available for a couple of weeks, but it will be up soon enough. And so without keeping it any longer... the new members of the AWO Hall of Fame...

AWO's former President Trevor Macinal... and Spaz!

The crowd cheers, and Prez Shay also claps, in recognition of the men. Most of the crowd are expecting them to come walking out onto the stage, but that doesn't happen. Instead, a curtain drops to reveal large framed pictures of all five new members of the AWO's hall of fame, with their names imprinted on a gold plaque below.

Prez Shay: I hope you've all enjoyed your night, and remember, some Awards were not read tonight. To find out which they were, log onto the awo.com. Have a great night.

The camera pans across the celebrating wrestlers as the show comes to a close.

[Prez Shay]

OOC:

The following Awards were not included:

Best Stable: Tie, 4 votes each to AWO and Ego Trip.

Best Fued: Cancelled due to a 5-way tie.

Best Match Gimmick: 3-way tie, between the Maze, the Rumble and Tasty Pastry.

Best Tag Team: Winners: Scruffy Dog and Cheap Shot.

Congratulations to everyone who won an Award, but we haven't finished yet. The OOC awards will be written below.


Most likely to be E-fedding when he/she is 30: Shay Semmens.

The Attitude Award (Loyalty to AWO/NMW: Pete Whelan. (Cheap Shot)

Most Helpful (To fed and individuals alike): Mike Barudi (Maverick)

Most Creative: Tie. Bob Arnold (The Floppy Disk) and Shay Semmens (for Scruffy Dog)

Greatest Personality: Pete Whelan

Most Outstanding Role-player: Shay Semmens (Scruffy Dog) (And no... I didn't rig it. Thanks guys.)

Hope you've enjoyed the results. Keep up the good work, and maybe you'll be up for the 2005 awards. To those of you who didn't get one, some of the results were painfully close... except for Most Helpful, which Mav got. He won by about eight votes...

Cya.