Post by Chris Bond on Jan 19, 2008 16:08:08 GMT 10
[The tron flares to life… which is difficult to say for the AWO, especially in the sense that this indeed a Chris Bond promo; One where he actually takes pride in his word-manship. But that’s not the case at the moment, oh no, it is not. The case is that Chris Bond is standing in front of a locker room door. Not just any door, oh no, the door of the AWO’s number one contender. The door belonging to none other than the former Survivor Champion, Guy Martin.]
Bond: “Ladies and gents, boys and girls, transvestites and yes, even you Ice Rock, I’ve come here to address something. You see, between all of the butt-fucking of our beloved AWO Champ, I came to realize something. Ice Rock’s babblings and homo-erotic homophobia got me thinking. Ice Rock doesn’t belong in ANY championship match that doesn’t have the words: “FUCKING” and “LOSER” in it. He hasn’t won anything to be proud of. Oh wait, I do vaguely recall a period of actual feuding—but that was with a dead dictator and about Vince McMahon and Texas. Yeah, that was real honorable. But then again, who am I to judge? I can’t even get an erection in order to have intimate relations with Scruff. But hell, Ice Rock in his all knowing claims that I use a strap-on. But hell, when was he ever wrong?”
[Bond just rolls his eyes. He turns from Guy’s door and walks down the hallway.]
Bond: “You see peeps, I’ve been here for a while. Either in an AWO ring or under the NMW flagship. I’ve seen things; I’ve been a part of things. I’ve faced Cheap Shot, and won; I’ve faced Mike Polowy, and won. Now, let’s discuss what Ice Rock has accomplished. He was the leader of Cry Wolf. Yup, that’s all I got. Oh, he caused the Detroit arena to become condemned, which caused an out flux of homeless bitches into the suburban Detroit area. Yeah, that’s something to be proud of. Ice Rock hasn’t done shit. Sure, I’ve been the laughing stock of the AWO-slash-NMW, but hell, at least I’m memorable. The only that that come to mind after Ice Rock passes is his fucked up stunt on trying to kidnap Texas. Yeah, that’s a real accomplishment. Almost makes me wish I really would have shot myself in the head so I didn’t have to watch that in real life.”
[Bond passes doors that read “Spaz”… “Spaz’s closet”… Michael Polowy… and “Spaz’s Broom’s Closet.” NO typo, that’s what I meant.]
Bond: “You see, I’m tired of having to watch Ice Rock come down and imply that myself and Scruffy Dog have some sort of gay relationship, or that Ice Rock would have actually WON a match against Scruffy Dog. He’s full of shit, not just on the latter matter, oh no, because all though I do respect Scruffy Dog, a fuck load more than I would ever respect Ice Rock, he’s just not my type. See, I’m not a fan of the bears Ice, and unlike you, I have a girlfriend, one of over three months, someone I didn’t kick to the curb in order to get my ass handed to me by our hella respected AWO Champ.
You’ve not done anything to deserve my respect, Scruff’s respect, hell, even Fogheimer and Decade don’t fucking know you who are. You’re nothing. In fact, I cannot believe I just spent what…”
[Bond looks down at his watch, and rolls his eyes.]
Bond: “Five minutes replying to your retarded ass ‘insults’… hah. Your biggest claim to fame is getting Aryan his AWO Title shot. Honestly. You helped a Nazi-prick get a championship match against Cheap Shot. Wow, I bet that’s your pick up line. Well that and after the classic: “Hey, did it hurt? You know… when you fell from heaven?” Yup. That’s classic Ice Rock. Man, I’m sooo glad I’m facing Spaz, someone who hasn’t wrestled in the past what, four years? Not because he hasn’t wrestled, but because of the caliber of person he is, at least I know I’ll have a challenge. With you Ice, I’d be looking at some retarded ass gimmick match set on top of a cell, under a giant magnifying glass and dressed in ant suits. The only chance to win would be to have one of us set on fire… because that’s the kind of retard, children who eat lead paint, grow up to be. Yup. That’s Ice Rock alright.”
[Bond stops right there. He stares directly into the camera.]
Bond: “Listen to me Ice, listen to me good. You can insult Scruffy, you can imply homosexual relations, but that’s not going to make you AWO Champion. In fact, that’s the kind of stuff that puts you in a league of chumps. But hell, that’s all you've ever been Ice... a big fuckin’ chump. Somebody who claimed to be ‘hardcore’ yet walked around with Cry Wolf, the biggest joke in professional wrestling, with two jackasses who helped you attack people who you couldn’t defeat yourself. Yeah Ice, that’s the career we all want to have. I may have been forced leather bondage… but at least I can say ‘forced’… you did everything in your career voluntarily. And if you do keep talking shit, I will have no problem throwing my career away, in order to fuck you out of one of your fifty retirement matches. Because right now, I have no respect for you; and in this business, respect is something that everybody has… until they end up blowing it, and realizing, hey, one bad superkick, and my fucking life is over. That’s a reality check… and that’s definitely something you can take to the bank… asshole.”
[Bond just looks at the camera, and rolls his head before walking out of the shot. The crowd is left sitting in their seats, with a gasped look on their faces. But hell, at least it wasn’t an Ice Rock promo…]
Bond: “Ladies and gents, boys and girls, transvestites and yes, even you Ice Rock, I’ve come here to address something. You see, between all of the butt-fucking of our beloved AWO Champ, I came to realize something. Ice Rock’s babblings and homo-erotic homophobia got me thinking. Ice Rock doesn’t belong in ANY championship match that doesn’t have the words: “FUCKING” and “LOSER” in it. He hasn’t won anything to be proud of. Oh wait, I do vaguely recall a period of actual feuding—but that was with a dead dictator and about Vince McMahon and Texas. Yeah, that was real honorable. But then again, who am I to judge? I can’t even get an erection in order to have intimate relations with Scruff. But hell, Ice Rock in his all knowing claims that I use a strap-on. But hell, when was he ever wrong?”
[Bond just rolls his eyes. He turns from Guy’s door and walks down the hallway.]
Bond: “You see peeps, I’ve been here for a while. Either in an AWO ring or under the NMW flagship. I’ve seen things; I’ve been a part of things. I’ve faced Cheap Shot, and won; I’ve faced Mike Polowy, and won. Now, let’s discuss what Ice Rock has accomplished. He was the leader of Cry Wolf. Yup, that’s all I got. Oh, he caused the Detroit arena to become condemned, which caused an out flux of homeless bitches into the suburban Detroit area. Yeah, that’s something to be proud of. Ice Rock hasn’t done shit. Sure, I’ve been the laughing stock of the AWO-slash-NMW, but hell, at least I’m memorable. The only that that come to mind after Ice Rock passes is his fucked up stunt on trying to kidnap Texas. Yeah, that’s a real accomplishment. Almost makes me wish I really would have shot myself in the head so I didn’t have to watch that in real life.”
[Bond passes doors that read “Spaz”… “Spaz’s closet”… Michael Polowy… and “Spaz’s Broom’s Closet.” NO typo, that’s what I meant.]
Bond: “You see, I’m tired of having to watch Ice Rock come down and imply that myself and Scruffy Dog have some sort of gay relationship, or that Ice Rock would have actually WON a match against Scruffy Dog. He’s full of shit, not just on the latter matter, oh no, because all though I do respect Scruffy Dog, a fuck load more than I would ever respect Ice Rock, he’s just not my type. See, I’m not a fan of the bears Ice, and unlike you, I have a girlfriend, one of over three months, someone I didn’t kick to the curb in order to get my ass handed to me by our hella respected AWO Champ.
You’ve not done anything to deserve my respect, Scruff’s respect, hell, even Fogheimer and Decade don’t fucking know you who are. You’re nothing. In fact, I cannot believe I just spent what…”
[Bond looks down at his watch, and rolls his eyes.]
Bond: “Five minutes replying to your retarded ass ‘insults’… hah. Your biggest claim to fame is getting Aryan his AWO Title shot. Honestly. You helped a Nazi-prick get a championship match against Cheap Shot. Wow, I bet that’s your pick up line. Well that and after the classic: “Hey, did it hurt? You know… when you fell from heaven?” Yup. That’s classic Ice Rock. Man, I’m sooo glad I’m facing Spaz, someone who hasn’t wrestled in the past what, four years? Not because he hasn’t wrestled, but because of the caliber of person he is, at least I know I’ll have a challenge. With you Ice, I’d be looking at some retarded ass gimmick match set on top of a cell, under a giant magnifying glass and dressed in ant suits. The only chance to win would be to have one of us set on fire… because that’s the kind of retard, children who eat lead paint, grow up to be. Yup. That’s Ice Rock alright.”
[Bond stops right there. He stares directly into the camera.]
Bond: “Listen to me Ice, listen to me good. You can insult Scruffy, you can imply homosexual relations, but that’s not going to make you AWO Champion. In fact, that’s the kind of stuff that puts you in a league of chumps. But hell, that’s all you've ever been Ice... a big fuckin’ chump. Somebody who claimed to be ‘hardcore’ yet walked around with Cry Wolf, the biggest joke in professional wrestling, with two jackasses who helped you attack people who you couldn’t defeat yourself. Yeah Ice, that’s the career we all want to have. I may have been forced leather bondage… but at least I can say ‘forced’… you did everything in your career voluntarily. And if you do keep talking shit, I will have no problem throwing my career away, in order to fuck you out of one of your fifty retirement matches. Because right now, I have no respect for you; and in this business, respect is something that everybody has… until they end up blowing it, and realizing, hey, one bad superkick, and my fucking life is over. That’s a reality check… and that’s definitely something you can take to the bank… asshole.”
[Bond just looks at the camera, and rolls his head before walking out of the shot. The crowd is left sitting in their seats, with a gasped look on their faces. But hell, at least it wasn’t an Ice Rock promo…]
